The most important things in a relationship can be so many – trust, respect, emotions, honesty, vulnerability, authenticity….Each one has its own position.
It feels nice being wanted, being able to exist in someone’s eyes. But sometimes it can be confusing too.
Let’s learn how to say “You are important to me” without needlessly shouting “Show me why it’s me.”
Here are the 5 most important things in a relationship that matter the most.
1. Sharing – It’s not always about “You” or “Me” but, “Us“
You share almost everything. Apart from the bed, from laundry to finance, victory to defeat, a tragedy to comedy….every little thing that affects you also affects them.
You give credit to each other for the right things you do, you also take responsibility for the wrongs. Together. Then only it is a balanced equation. If you don’t share, you may win an argument, but lose the person.
It’s sometimes sunshine, sometimes rain,
sometimes clear, sometimes tear.
But if you share one umbrella, both can live happily, together.
It’s not a one-man army. It’s teamwork. Either you both lose or you both win. No other way to be!
2.Acceptance, not judging
We are human beings – weird, crazy, confused, scared, silent, loud… We all want to be accepted as who we are as a whole, without any judgment.
Nobody walk with a label on their face – “I am too shy, approach me or I am having a bad day, help me.”
Your partner also loves something, afraid of something, has lost something. No one has lived life through their experience. Not even you.
You are not right all the time, not wrong all the time either.
Rose has its own beauty, so does the cactus. You can’t play judge and jury all your life.
Despite your faults, failures, you learn to accept yourself. In the same way, you start to accept not only them but also the new version of you. It feels right to embrace without judging.
Develop – it is what it is – and the majority of things will stop bothering you.
3.Mature, not impulsive
You invest your valuable time, energy, and effort into your relationship, and sometimes you get the complete opposite back.
All the things you’ve imagined that shouldn’t happen will happen. Life!
Life throws at you – sometimes flowers, sometimes stones. Situations can be way more insane than you imagined in your worst nightmare.
This is the time when maturity plays a huge role.
Not jumping to conclusions, listening till the end before reacting, remaining silent in difficult circumstances, not trying to ignore or avoid but face it with little strength you have….Maturity!
It’s okay, you can’t make everybody happy, you are not french fries!
Gradually, with maturity, you start having fewer rules for yourself, you realize, it was not that bad to deal with.
4.Commitment, not once in a year act
Relationship demands long time commitment, it’s not a one-night stand.
When you want to stay fit, if you go to the gym twice a year won’t make any difference. You need to do a workout for twenty minutes every single day. You have to stay committed. The same goes with the relationship.
“It’s okay if you have a bad day today, I’m here for you.
Let me wish you a good morning, answering email can wait.”
….
Their everyday actions shout out loud that they love you. Sometimes they may forget to remember your birthday or anniversary, it’s fine!
Commitment comes from choices, actions, and reactions you do every day, and not from once in a year act.
5.Fixing, not throwing away
We are a generation, where things don’t work, we throw them away. We are jumping from interview to interview, job to job. It feels easy to replace, exchange, and refund.
True about things, clothes, objects, machines, and relationships.
Yeah, we treat relationships the same way. When it feels hard to handle, conflicts arise, and then shoot….break up. One person to another….to another….to another…..It feels so easy and relaxing to quit.
A long and healthy relationship demands to go through ups and downs. Together. You can’t expect only happy endings all the time. It’s your damn life, not a Disney Movie!
You need to ask questions, learn how to fix them, rather than throw them away.
You are not on the same page with them every time. And it’s completely fine. Fixing is a choice. Throwing away is a choice. Take time to understand what just happened before becoming a victim of a vicious circle again.
I love you – does not mean – I am with you, only on good days. It means – I am with you, no matter what, let’s fix this, I can’t lose you.
I prefer “see you soon” over a “goodbye,” and you?
Cheers!
